One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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