also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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