well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
