ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
