Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Farmville is her only friend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
