I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He better not be in your backpack
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
