i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
