My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
