i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize