I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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