I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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