Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
