His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize