you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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