M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
