Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
