i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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