I heard we made out
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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