Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
