Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
