Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
