We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
