dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
