The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
