I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
