In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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