Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
