Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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