your parents love me but you hate me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
