I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Still dying that you shit outside
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
