that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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