We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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