do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
