I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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