Non-Jews are for practice
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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