I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
