Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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