you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
