So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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