explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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