DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this just has baby written all over it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
