Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
