Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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