weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
