butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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