you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
