My nipple is on Facebook.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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