you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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