My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
