yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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