these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
