You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
