I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
