in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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