Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
