Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
