you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
