How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
