PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize