You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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