worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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