last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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