If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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