new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
