Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
