So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
