The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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