we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
