this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize