so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
