okay pat passed out under dana's car
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize