i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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