I think my vagina is haunted
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
