She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
