Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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