hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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