god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it hurts more in the daytime
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
