oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
