It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
