Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
