girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
