My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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