Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize