thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
