I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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