I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
