haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
