Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
