Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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