Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
