Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
