I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
