i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize