first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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