He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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