At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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