he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
