i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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