Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
