Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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