Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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