i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
